college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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