I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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