so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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