apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
operation have a gay friend backfired
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
