Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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