He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
accomplished twins. life is a go
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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