He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize