I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
