What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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