I hope mine doesn't look like that
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
