4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
