You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
please come you make the beer taste better
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
