Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
