I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
