like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
