I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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