Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
