u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
