I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
love makes seman taste better
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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