My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
