Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
