I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I think your dad took our porno
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
