Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
