R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
