Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
