the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
