I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Randomize
