I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
