You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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