I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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