I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
