yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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