he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
