Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
