I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize