Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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