I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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