i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
