I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
