So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
