he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
