i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
