piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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