so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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