btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
