I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
