just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
