a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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