We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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