I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
