i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
My cat gives me a boner
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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