The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize