This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
