I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
They are going to name an STD after you.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
