ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
