oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
