do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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